Malcolm Gauld
Considering the Five Words and Five Principles of the common language at the heart of the Hyde Discovery Process, most kids (and faculty) will agree that Each Other’s Keeper is the hardest. In fact, it sometimes actually carries an ironic short-term capacity to trigger the very anxieties it can soothe in the long term.
Hey, it’s not easy to intervene with a friend who may not be acting in a manner that serves their best interests. Like anything important, it takes practice. One way we engage in that practice at Hyde is with a sequential concept we call “The Seven Levels of Confrontation.” A quick description follows.
1. Friendly Non-Verbal – See a student being impolite or inattentive? Raise your eyes or head in a friendly, smily, non-verbal gesture as if to say, “Hey, Bud. Please give a listen.”
2. Concerned Non-Verbal – Same as #1, but lose the smile and offer a more stern expression.
3. Friendly Verbal – #1 with words. Same expression as #1 but actually say, “Hey, Bud. Could you please give a listen?”
4. Concerned Verbal – Basically, #2 with sternly spoken words: e.g., “Really need you to be more respectful.”
5. Staff and Student Leader Support – This is the first level where the “Keeper” would elicit support from either another student leader of a faculty member. The hope at this level is that the student will realize that the matter at hand is more serious than previously realized and is deserving of special attention.
6. Dean’s Area – Referring the matter to the chief student disciplinary department at the school further heightens the seriousness of the matter. The Dean may then choose to bring the head of school into the loop.
7. Call to Parents – The Dean may request that the Discovery Group leader follow up the matter at hand with a phone call to the parents.
As you might surmise, the idea is to utilize the lowest numbered measure necessary. The way we practice this concept is to conduct role plays, sometimes in front of the whole school. Here are three examples from a recent school meeting session on the topic:
- A student wears Airpods in the classroom and pretends not to notice the teacher’s objections to this.
- A student walks out of class or athletic practice in frustration.
- A student fails to take his hat off in the main building, violating a time-honored Hyde maxim: “No hats in The Mansion!”
Not only does this practice help kids — not to mention, faculty! — develop important interpersonal skills, we have a lot of fun with it!
Onward, Malcolm
